


We're Okay...Right?

by hirusen



Category: Destiny (Video Games), Destiny 2 (Video Games)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Canon Dialogue, Crisis of Faith, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Loss, Fear of Death, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, Language, Loneliness, Loss of Powers, Memories, Post-Cabal Invasion, Separation Anxiety, Touch-Starved, feeling lost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-14 16:37:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13011825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hirusen/pseuds/hirusen
Summary: After a Guardian relays some valuable information, Cayde goes to tell Ikora about it...only...





	We're Okay...Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Set at the end one of the adventures on Nessus. Not sure if I should put a spoiler tag on it or not, but I'm going to leave it out for now.

"They're gonna be so mad. I love it!" Cayde gleefully spoke after one of his Hunters cleaned up the last of the Cabal forces from the confluxes their Ghost was getting data from. "Serves them right! Let's get this to the Vanguard before I have to defrag. The Legion wanted every byte of data the Vex have on Nessus." Their Ghost relayed, Cayde listening as his Hunter started to run out of the way of gunfire, quickly summoning their Sparrow to close the last few meters separating them from the beacon. They jumped off their Sparrow and connected their Ghost to the beacon, Cayde receiving the data, but ignoring it as the Hunter's Ghost spoke once more. "'All I ask is you return to my loving embrace.' Ew. 'Emperor Calus has spoken.'"

"Whoa. Wait. Emperor? As in Cabal Emperor? Ok, opulence later. Ikora now. Ikora! Uh, great job today guys." The Exo hastily stated as he ended the communications, springing from his spot and rushing down the barren hallways of the little hide-y hole he chose to hold-up in while he was still on Nessus (his ship wasn't in that great of shape after all). "Ikora! Hey, listen I--" He cut himself off as he rounded the corner, slowing from his sprint. The adjoining room was empty. "...Ikora?" He called, softly. He felt his chest tighten as it got harder for him to breathe.

 _That's right, our Guardian still hasn't retrieved her from Io yet..._ His hands shook as he coiled them into fists, trying to force himself to slow his hastening breaths.  _They're okay. They're all alright, Cayde. Calm down._ But how could he? Even though he knows that Holliday and Zavala were safe, he still wasn't able to believe it until he saw them with his own eyes. His optics dimmed as he felt that cold grip of death taking hold around his neck again; if he was too reckless, he wasn't going to be able to come back from the dead. His Ghost, Minty, told him so when he regained consciousness after a Cabal patrol ambushed him; she was so happy that she still had enough Light to heal his injuries, but she was just as afraid as her Guardian.

The Traveler...the Speaker... Cayde-6 knew that they might never get them back and what little faith he still has has been shaken so severely after bring stripped of his Light and his powers. The Red Legion basically raped the sense of hope and security of every single person in and out of the Tower's walls when they successfully invaded. Guardians...were totally powerless and the Traveler had only gifted one person, a single Guardian, with the Light again. Cayde shivered as he recalled how many times he's come close to his final breath, the last scrap of warmth he'd ever have. The Vex, whom were normally just a nuisance, were now absolutely horrifying; the Fallen were too. A single lucky shot could end his life forever, the Vanguard would be without a Hunter, and the Guardians of his class--however few still remain--would be without a leader...

No not a leader: a friend. An ally, a companion, a shoulder to lean on, and a person who would listen without question. That's what he was for so many Guardians, not just his Hunters. "Ikora...Zavala..." He whispered, slowly falling to his knees and curling into a ball. How long have they _all_ had to endure this fear alone? ...How many Guardians and civilians has Zavala been forced to watch die? How many unanswerable questions is Ikora tormenting herself with? How many late nights was Amanda pulling to try and fix broken ships? How much doubt was within Shaxx as he watched Guardians, new and old, train in his Crucible? Where in this blasted system was Eris? Was she alright? Was she even alive? Or did she rejoin the darkness of the Hive nests?

His servos felt like they stopped for a moment when his thoughts loops back to the Guardians;  _his_ Guardians. He can so easily recall all the countless footprints on his map after Guardians jumped onto the table to talk to him, Ikora, or Zavala. How much they all enjoyed his company, a few of his favorites just hanging out within the Vanguard hall, some conversing among themselves, others listening to the conversations he had with his old fireteam. He felt his throat tighten up, Minty popping out and nudging his cheek in worry. "I'm okay, Minty. I'm okay..." "I don't believe that, mister. You've been running yourself into the ground recently." Her voice was soft as she floated into his field of vision, making sure he couldn't avoid looking at her.  _Well, she's not wrong..._ He had been working himself basically to death; moving on little to no sleep, barely eating, always jumping at the slightest sound at night.

"...I'm worried about the others too, Cayde." He gave her a weak grin as he cupped her in his hands, tucking her next to his chest. "I know, sweety. I know." He curled in on himself, body shaking. "I know you're scared too..." Fucking hell. If he was able to cry, he knows he would be, but what the hell could he have done to stop these emotions welling up inside of his chest? He slowly pushed himself up, still cradling Minty to his chest as he peaked out from his hiding spot, thankfully no Fallen or Vex were nearby. His eyes went high and he stared at the empty sky above. "I...I know you picked that Guardian for a reason, big guy, I..." He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "I'm just scared that they might not be enough. So...please...if you can hear me, or if you even care about the fate of humanity, please give them the strength and power to save Ikora...and Zavala...and Holliday and Shaxx..." He felt as his Ghost nuzzled herself against his chest plate, wanting to do more to comfort her.

"Please...lend them your guidance and strength to save humanity...to save my friends, and...everyone who's still alive in our system..." He opened his eyes, not having noticed he had even closed them, and was once more gazing upon the blank sky above. "Can you do this one favor for me, big guy? I...know I don't ask you for anything, but...just this once, I'm begging. Please, let our Guardian who has done the impossible before, do it one more time." Cayde was never one to beg, never one to ask for any kind of help, and he wasn't one to express any kind of faith or belief in any sort of higher power, but this... This was bigger than him, bigger than the Vanguard, and he could feel the weight of the whole system on his shoulders just like that lone Guardian must be feeling now and then. And for the first time since his rebirth as a Guardian, Cayde felt at peace.

"...Come on. Let's get the ship fixed up. I imagine that we'll be moving out of here soon." He spoke, Minty moving from his hands to cuddle into the hood of his cloak, Cayde moving his head a little to press against her little frame in comfort.

* * *

His comm had crackled to life in the middle of the night, the Exo jumping awake, knife in hand as he breathed heavily.  _"...yde? Can you here me?"_ He scrambled for his comm, Minty boosting the signal so he could hear whoever was talking better.  _"Cayde? Are you there?"_ "Zavala! Oh thank the stars you're okay. What's going on?"  _"Our Guardian has retrieved Ikora. We're meeting up at a location called the Farm. I'm sending you the coordinates now."_ He could hear that Zavala was about to end the link when he shouted, "Wait!" He heard Zavala's slow breathing, a habit he does when he was startled. "I...I-I'm glad you're okay." Silence. He glanced to Minty, fear in his eyes when,  _"I'm glad you're safe too. Let's talk in person, alright?"_ "Y-Yeah. See you soon."

The link cut out and the Hunter rushed to his feet, dashing down the little hallways and corridors he's grown familiar to, getting to his ship. "Minty, let's go home." "Right. And, Cayde?" He glanced over to her, noting the relief she was expressing. "I'm glad their okay." He smiled to her as he started up his ship, Minty setting the flight path and they quickly made the jump back to Earth.

* * *

The Farm was a beautiful place. Engulfed by trees, water, and the general feeling of  **life** , Cayde-6 felt so much better as soon as he landed, Minty transmating him into the general area. He just stood there for a moment, all the anxiety that had been coiled into his body loosening a little as he watched children running about, playing little games of tag or Hunters and Dregs. As he walked down the gentle hill, his optics scanning over the dozens of adults littered about, he spotted an all too familiar horn within the far back of the nearby barn.

"Shaxx!" The ex-Iron Lord spun on his heel at the sound of Cayde's voice, catching him mid-air as he hurled himself into his arms. "Cayde! You rascal! Where have you been?" "On Nessus, but that doesn't matter right now. Where's Ikora and Zavala?" Shaxx kept his hand on the small of Cayde's back as he lead him further into the barn, away from possibly prying eyes. His eyes went wider as he distantly heard himself make some kind of happy sound; there stood Ikora, Zavala, and Amanda, small smiles on their lips and welcoming warmth in their eyes. Nothing needed to be said as Ikora opened up her arms, the Hunter rushing into the Warlock's embrace. "You're okay, Cayde. It's alright now." His body was shaking hard as he made sobbing noises, blissful relief flooding his circuits as he was held by one of the people he cared about the most.

"Breath, Cayde, we're all right here." Zavala's deep baritone was so wonderful to listen to as he placed his hand on his back, rubbing little circles into his metal frame. "I-I...I was so scared I had lost you..! All of you! I--" "Sh. Sh. It's alright, my dear. It's alright." "But..!" "Cayde, look at me, please." Ikora whispered, taking a small step back so she could connect their eyes. "Feel the warmth of my skin." He felt her move one of his hands to rest between her shoulder blades. "Feel my lungs filling with air, my heart beating a steady rhythm." He focused on what she was instructing him to do, savoring as her chest rose and fell in a familiar pattern, her heartbeat throbbing against the palm of his hand as her body heat soaked into him. "I am alive. Zavala is alive. You are alive. We are all safe. So take slow, deep, focused breaths. Concentrate on what you need to loosen the tight spring within you."

The Exo understood that the human was walking him through old steps; Cayde has always had anxiety issues ever since he started to regain his memories of when he was a human and his time as an Exo during the Golden Age. As he felt his chest finally start to un-clench itself, he could feel as Ikora's hands and body started to move away from his own. "No. Don't." "Is this something you need to help relax?" He nodded. "Take your time, my friend. We are in no danger here." His eyes closed as he rested his body against hers, pulling her in until she formed to him, losing himself in her warmth, her breathing, her scent. "I was so alone without you...all of you... I-I thought I had...had lost my family."

He confessed. He has always felt, deep down, that Zavala and the others he holds close to his heart were his family; that included the countless Guardians he befriended over the years. "Cayde, you aren't going to lose us." Amanda spoke, her hand resting on top of his head. Unfurling himself from Ikora's arms, Cayde hurried into Holliday's, soaking her in as he held her tight. "But...you don't know that. We don't have the Light anymore..." "Come on. You know we're all too stubborn to die that easily." Her voice was soft, but he heard the playfulness in her tone and pressed a little grin into her neck. "Yeah...I guess you're right."

Zavala's chuckle was so enticing to hear after the time they've been apart. Has it really only been under two weeks since the attack on the City? It feels like it's been fucking ages since that happened. "Commander, I..." "Ah. When did you ever call  **me** commander?" Cayde laughed under his breath as Zavala carefully pulled him away from Amanda's form and held him close. Cayde had his head leaning against Zavala's shoulder so he could watch the emotions play on the Awoken's face. He felt a spike of joy run through him when he spotted the loving affection in his eyes; Zavala was never one for physical affections like hugs or holding hands, but the Hunter always knows that there were some days that was the exception for the Titan, and this was one of them. They didn't say anything, but then again, nothing needed to be said; being held so gently by the fierce Strike commander was enough for Cayde-6.

"You poor thing." Shaxx chipped up, getting the group's attention. "I don't think you realized that you're touch-starved." Cayde raised a brow plate, confusion lightly dressing his face. "That's why you need to be held like this. You need physical touch in order to calm down." His words slapped him hard across the face. Shaxx was right. Having been without physical contact for nearly two weeks, and was honestly too scared to reach out and touch the Guardian the Light had returned to, he felt so depraved and that's why he felt so happy when he came to the Farm; there was people he could interact with, talk to, touch, comfort, reassure. It's why being held like he was, and holding them in response, was causing his anxiety to lessen. Cayde watched, still in Zavala's arms, as Shaxx carefully removed his chest armor and gauntlets, placing them onto the floor before walking over.

He touched the back of Cayde's neck and let the other move closer to his body. Cayde, unsure if he should chance it, reached up and placed his hand on either side of the Titan's helm. "You can take it off." Cayde did so once he was given the okay, revealing Shaxx's sun-kissed skin, his 5 o'clock shadow, and his warm chocolate and ocean eyes. Cayde reached up, cupping the taller male's face in his hand, his fingers gliding over the soft flesh of his cheek. Shaxx pressed the Exo's body further into his own, letting the heat from his skin radiate into Cayde's metal frame. "...Is this why you keep the helm on?" "Yes. It's hard enough to maintain the Crucible; I don't need to be fighting off our fellow Guardians while I do so." Cayde openly laughed in what seemed like forever, a bright smile on the Titan's features. "Ah, how I've missed that sound." Cayde grinned to Shaxx as his hands began to explore the clothed flesh under his fingers.

The human let his hands roam on his body, returning the tender strokes on his skin with his own against Cayde's firm form. "Oh, if only we were back home." "Why?" "If we were home, I could sneak you away for a little bit, have you all to myself." Shaxx smirked at him. "Are you saying your attracted to me?" "Yes." His short reply had Shaxx stunned, but Ikora laughing. "And here I thought that you didn't like Titans?" Resting his head against Shaxx's exposed chest to feel his heartbeat against his face, Cayde chuckled to Ikora. "I don't like  _most_ Titans. These two, along with a handful of Guardians, are the exception." "That's good to know, but..." When Shaxx trailed off, Cayde looked up to him. "Do you actually mean that, or are you just saying that to say it?" "I actually mean it. I'm pan-sexual, so I honestly don't care that you're a guy, or a human, or a Titan--well, okay maybe a little bit on that last part. Point is, I like you, a lot."

Cayde's cheer of triumph almost got him smacked as Shaxx's face heated up. "You little piece of shit. You're going to get it later." "As in sex or you're gonna beat the crap out of me? Either way, I'm down." At Shaxx's loud groan, the group laughed; it seems that Cayde was back to his old self. "...As anyone heard from Eris?" Ikora's eyes lowered to her feet. "Nothing, I'm afraid. We don't even know if she's alive." "She...is. She has to be." Ikora raised a brow. "Oh? And how can you be so sure?" "Because I owe her a ship and she's not dying until I repay her." He joked before his look turned somber. "But, in all seriousness, she made a promise to me. She promised that she would help me keep the Taken to manageable numbers in exchange of me sending Guardians to keep the Hive in check. With the Hive and Taken still runnin' amok, and our Guardian being part of the fireteams that took out both Crota and Oryx, it's safe to say she's still around...just not here."

Ikora nodded her head. "Well, if you believe she's alive, then I trust your judgement." Cayde, after another long moment in Shaxx's arms, finally pulled away. "Better?" The Titan asked and the Exo nodded. "I...want to talk to the other Guardians around here. They need someone who will listen, and you guys are busy enough as it is." While they all knew that Cayde was going to be just as busy within the next few nights, they chose to let it go, letting him take whatever comfort he needed right now. He patted Shaxx's chest as he made his way back out of the barn, his eyes glazing over the sight of people before him. "Mister, mister! Come play with us!" He heard two kids call as they tugged on his hands. "What are we playing?" "Tag! And you're it, mister!" The two kids giggled as they ran as fast as they could away from Cayde in different directions.

The Hunter smirked as he started for the younger one, knowing that she wouldn't be as fast as the older. He gently tapped the top of her head, getting a little squeal out of her before he spun on his heel, slowly making his way away from her. As she chased him another small group of kids scattered, playful giggles filling the evening air as the adults watched them play. Not long after someone was tagged it for the fourth time did the Guardians roaming about the area join in. At least 5 Hunters, 3 Titans, and 4 Warlocks joined in, Cayde guiding the group down to a large open field. The children were ecstatic to be playing tag with the Guardians they've seen come back over and over again from the wilds; Cayde simply enjoying the company of other Guardians around him.

As the evening grew, the children had to turn in for the night, but that didn't mean that the fun was going to stop for Cayde and the Guardians who were clearly just messing around for fun anyway. They started up a game of soccer, the Guardians split up into two teams. Cayde's team had him, two other Hunters, two Warlocks, and a Titan; the other team had two Titans, the other two Warlocks, and two Hunters, leaving the lone Hunter to act as referee. While the other team was more balanced than his own, Cayde's team won out in the end, winning 5 out of 9 games. As the final score had been landed and the buzzers went off, Cayde was snapped into the arms of his fellow Hunters. He felt that pang of loneliness run through him and while all of the Guardians got concerned as they heard him start to cry, their acting referee calmly walked over and hugged him.

He didn't need to say anything to Cayde, or his fellow Guardians, all of them taking a turn to embrace the shaken Vanguard. Cayde finally felt the coil of his anxiety snap in half and his shoulders dropped. This, right here and now, was what he needed. To know that despite everything, people were still finding a way to smile, to have fun, to forget even if it was just for a moment the horrors of what had happened to them all. "It's good to see you again, Cayde. We've missed you." "Heh, I've missed you guys too. Now! Who's got a tale to tell?" 


End file.
